Saturday, 31 May 2014

Being restless

... the manifesto of a troubled art amateur.

Hello there, dear readers.

Well, yes, this blog has been on hiatus again for a while - except for two quick Illustration Friday uploads. In the meantime, I did a little bit of art, and a big bit of thinking. A whole lot of thinking.

It seems like the difficulties in my life are to go on for another while. :/ But that is not a subject for this blog, an art blog. And some of you reading this I consider my friends. And you who are, know what's going on anyway.

But onto the art part. I feel like sharing this with you.

Recently I suffer some kind of... art puberty. Mmh yes, I might put it like that.
The creativity hormones are going crazy in my mind. On one day there's too much of them, and then there's a lack. And even on days with a large scale of them, I can't really work it. It confuses me.

So I constantly switch from a phase in which I desperately want to create, to another where I don't pay attention to my sketchbooks and pencils, my guitar, or my camera. Unfortunately, the system is more balanced towards the latter state.

It is not a simple art block where I more or less put up with a steady period of not creating until things start flowing again. I start a picture, and then I have to pause to sleep or go to uni and later, on the same day, I wouldn't continue, because the mood is suddenly gone. I work on something, I do something else for a couple of hours, and then I decide to leave it. And when I have another creative rush, I start something new. And then the circle continues. And now I have this pile of unfinished works...

Some moments I think of restarting this blog all over, paying more attention again to all my social media art communites and stuff, because it feels good to get feedback.
And then again, I don't care about publishing something at all.

I'm restless. I can neither settle with a state of constant creative flow, or "constant leaving it be", as I too had it sometimes. Which is really frustrating. :/

I realised that there are a lot of battles going on in me, the troubled artist teenager going through puberty.

Of course, being anxious in life generally possibly causes an effect on my art streak, too.

I wish I would manage to channel all this anxiety and work it into my art. I tried, but it's not flowing smoothly. I get stuck.

Dear readers, have you ever experienced such a state? How did you manage?
I want to move forward, be it one direction or the other.


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